Once upon a time, beautiful lessons learned and shared
Upon entering "The Program" I had some kind of idea as to what it'd be like, though I really didn't think it would be an agenda taking priority over every aspect of my life.
The amends I would have an opportunity to make were not to get something back, rather they were mandatory if I was ever to achieve a lasting peace within myself. It was in effect a way to say farewell to a lifestyle that was no longer appropriate, satisfying or conducive to my 'Recovery'. Of course, having completed an exhaustive inventory, and getting a good look at the behaviors involved, how could I possibly return to those old ways. Relationships were of a high priority. It wasn't about saying "I'm Sorry". Lord knows I've heard myself say it thousands of times. It was about owning the wrongs I've done, and turning away from and correcting the behaviors that were at the center, the nucleus of that dysfunction which caused such bitterness and hurt feelings for others. Performing an amend to one while still engaging in the same types of behaviors is a useless and ever repeating mistake many make. They just don't want to let go of that feeding upon another, taking no responsibility for yet another shitty and inevitable outcome. When the behaviors don't change, the person cannot change. It becomes a disappointing cycle of futility. Preventing growth, and keeping them sick. Any progress towards a long term remission of sickness is hampered for those resistant to an otherwise simple solution. It may not be easy, but it is necessary.
Otherwise its same/same. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Half assed is really still only Half of an Ass. An ass all the same.
very good. When I look at myself in the mirror each day, I know the person looking back at me is "A Stand Up Guy"... Not breakin' hearts, or telling lies, pretending, in disguise. There's no guilt for which I need to drink or medicate. I am what I appear to myself to be...and a little more for the potential. other than some aches and pains, its great! Well, it's good, anyway. and more often than not, it's enough.
A merciful severance, in such...a kindness bestowed, out of love, in such, the loneliness' of those passing years, erased in one moment of excessive and everlasting Joy. Free from manacle, splinter, or sorrow. Free thee from thy long slumber, deception, and illusions.... Forevermore. Amen (so, let it be).
I, preferences... What leads remain. Be they, there not for some such lame validation, amounting to nothing, more or less... This indifference, often, I mistake for calm, "Leave me in Peace", I know differently, though, and peace is now in short supply, a tumult in vast abundance encompasses me. I argue my existence, my beliefs unto myself. My love Replaced by selfish resignations, apathetic dissertations, lies in bowtie twisted truths. The Narcissist, his plagiaristic murmurs/prose deceptively presented as his own, now placed strategically beside him and his reflection... The Mirror does not lie, this Man is but a Boy, cheating on a test. Returned to Grade, becomes CEO, Destroys a business, A Nation, and its people's promise for a future. Any Future... None the Wiser.... Wishing he were someone, somewhere... someplace else.
Sleep is a merciful release unto a righteous man, void of ill will, and a vengeful heart, blackened by hate. For such a pitiful creature, Love cannot abide.
I'd rather smile and say with a grin, (I'm fine), than tell you the shape I'm really in. ...such is true, in that it is important how we talk to ourselves, as we negotiate our own levels of stress, bargaining pain, and depression. OFTEN, To say a "Thing" is to name a thing, thus calling it into existence. To what degree our suffering can and will be influenced, not only by actions but our relationships to our tasks, is largely up to us. Whether you think you can or can't,,, you're right.
their extraordinary affect, and fickle, All of them. All through the height and depth, repeating sensuouse, and delicious are these discoveries, I agree. Then so often dissipating like the waning of a beautiful musical note of sublime and joyous discovery, and then it is gone.... forever, a memory fading beneath a wall of paste and pastel paints of precarious illusion, the master Poirier. To realize what has been stolen, my namesake and origin, loves and contribution, erased by a deliberate seroes, amnesias delivered by mine Jailer. I am myself, reduced in time, the lies I live, I Forever seek to remember and render Justice. Become my whole. Body, Mind &' Soul. I am rendered.....Mine.
Paul Gaudette & "OOB"
