Good morning dear friends. As usual I hope the sunrise finds you well. Some mornings I struggle, depression does that, but I've learned by finally combining therapy with meds I do have some control. Of course with that comes the choice. Do I succumb to the suffocating but familiar darkness, or do I take action?. Find distractions, head them off at the pass, make sure I'm not adding fuel to the fire. Therapy was a good thing, silly to wait so long, I've been there before and know it helps. Why do we resist? What I do know is the tools to change the day lay at hand. Those tools got me thru rehab and tx. Just misplaced them and needed a little help finding them. I can't say I turn every frown upside down-damn, that saying annoys me, but with a little conscious effort the visits are shorter and the darkness can now be felt passing thru and not moving in.I hope by now everyone realizes I'm not that enamored with myself, its just somebody, somewhere may feel as helpless and crippled as I was from time to time, there is always hope, the price is " you have to try". A forum like this so important because it makes it easier to anonymously express some of our darkest secrets-that's where one must go to find the Warrior's soul. It guards what you don't want the world to see, you haven't lived if you don't have some. Been thinking a lot about a lady i "friended" a couple of years ago. SVR, clean and sober and working the program like any newbie would. She really did walk the talk. To watch her grow and discover,to look forward and not hide. She often reminded me of traditions I'd bent to my own purpose. Was good to see the world thru fresh eyes. We were never close, but took few words to connect and realize we were each traveling our portion of the same road.Recently I realized I hadn't seen anything from her. Quick trip to her timeline and my worst fears were confirmed. She had taken her own life. Had to have been some burden she just would't share. Addictive types can be like that. Its why I'm fond of saying there will always be dragons, some of us have quite a few. Can't help but wonder if and how she reached out, maybe it was still hard even with all her recent success. I still have trouble after over 30 years-you think I'd learn. I'm betting a few us have been to that precipice, but if you reading this, you didn't step over. Please listen to those around you. don't be dismissive, If you allow them in your orbit, you accept that what they say is important,if only to them.How one can turn themselves so inward, when all they have to do is reach out. I promise you, so much easier said than done. They may be selling wolf tickets,but every time they cry you have to listen,if they call you friend. I wish everyone could unburden themselves of that one dragon we swore would never see the light of day. Its about time. As the day goes along, remember, you have choices. Don't let circumstance make them for you.A special bow to the fine lady's crossing the finish line this week. What a difference a year makes. Strength to you all, no matter the battle. A moment of good thoughts for Gordon, Warrior Forever. All right then, another cup of coffee and go kick a lizard's butt, if not yours, someone else's, sure they'd share. May your soul run as deep as your favorite river. Oldhair, Peace. "OOB" |
